All over the map but I promise to land at home

I have had many things on my mind in the last few weeks besides cold and flu. Sometimes the virus we find ourselves fighting, isn't really the main fight. I often think that when we find ourselves caught with many distractions, that take our focus off the bigger picture. It is not the trial of sickness, jury duty and kids homework. I dare say we are muddled in the snare of life, so we can be ever tied to it. Bare with me as I make sense of life.

I wrestle my 7 month old down to spray saline in his nose so he can breathe. I attempt to wipe his nose so he won't continue to rub it in his eyes. This fight is a fight to help him and take away his suffering. At the end of the fight, I almost cry as he stops wailing and calms to a mere snif. I am drained and my feelings hurt, because it takes a fight for me to help him. I desperately try to rip the heart off of my sleeve, in an effort to comfort my self. I know it had to be done or he would wallow for hours trying to catch a breath. I continue to rock him and he falls peacefully asleep. How could this be? We were in a battle here only moments ago, and now he rests.

As a parent, I see the greater good. Does God feel that way about me? Boy, I lay down and wail while God attempts to clear my life so I can breathe. I am sure, I frustrate him as I argue that I can do it all on my own. I futilely describe, what a good job I am doing at managing my life. God is sitting on his thrown, waiting for me to break free from my prideful and eminent death spiral. He says to me that it is my choice, what will I choose. The problem is, I can't see the greater good because I often loose sight of the goal, eternity. Like my 7 month old, I fight in an effort to gain back my control, not letting go of stuff. This struggle began from the very foundation of the world. I have to let go and trust God.

Once again my focus has become me and my problems, what about "Do you really know The One, The One whose image you portray." Ouch!!!!!! I better be mindful of that. My little one could care less about what anyone thinks of his fitful crying. But if I wallow too long, I will snuff the sweet breath of God out, and find my self choking for a breath.